by Hawker S Hunter
Quickly Iolo, while the mayor is hit by the earthquake.
Go to the Church and steal the Poor Box, preferably while everyone is looking.
Take the cash and give the box to Iolo. We will use this box to store 'treats'.
Oh. The medicine, yes, it's right here
Search the stables now, talk to the stable-hand and take the key.
Go to Christopher's house. Open the chest, take the cash and the scroll.
Find sparc and get him to join.
Sparc is useful because fountains and pools often have psychoactive effects, and we need a guinea-pig to find out what kind of trips we're going to have before the Avatar does any.
Go to the Mayor's house and wait outside for him to come along.
When he does, double-click on the Northern pool and then the Mayor.
Presumably Iolo and the Avatar hold the Mayor down while sparc forces his
head under, but the actual details of this remarkable act were sadly
cut by the game's designers.
Finnegan the Mayor should now be poisoned.
When the poison wears off, do it again and again until he croaks.
Do it again and again until he croaks.
This gives us an excuse to rob the entire town, since we will have to raise 400 gold coins to resurrect the Mayor in order to get the blackbird, I mean password, to escape from your prison.
It also makes the process of talking to everyone in the town and cross-referencing what they say a lot more interesting.
While we're at it, there's some shopping we need to do.
First, go to Dell the arms-dealer. Use the lever to open the secret door.
Go inside and take the money. Hopefully Dell will follow you.
Now run out of the storeroom and use the lever again, trapping Dell inside. Help yourself to some of the weapons.
Next, go to Gargan's house.
That big gold bar must be a struggle for the old man to lift.
Relieve him of this difficult burden and take some of the potions too.
Once you have the readies (and finding the whole 400 can be a challenge) drag the Mayor's corpse to the healer.
Take the potions if possible.
Now talk to the undead Mayor and blackbird the password.
Leave Trinsic and head to Paws.
Drop in at Morfin's Slaughterhouse and get the two keys needed to go into the locked room.
Open the chest and take all the Serpent Venom.
Put this all in Iolo's 'sweetie box' and go to the Salty Dog.
Go into the storeroom and take one of the crates.
Throw your backpack away and use the crate instead: it can support much more bulky items.
Visit the Shelter and find Garrit.
Give him one of Iolo's 'sweeties' and then leave.
Head to Britain.
Try to arrive at night so that you can rob the Jewellers.
Speak to British.
Give Lord British one of Iolo's Sweeties.
Talk to Chuckles using words of one syllable and then kill him.
Go and see Batlin and apply to join the Communist Party.
Take the examination, and try to make yourself appear as evil as possible.
Batlin will now give you the package.
Give Batlin some Sweeties and run away.
For the journey to Minoc we'll need some food.
Go to the stables, which are in the south of Britain, and kill some
You can kill horses too, but cows are more efficient since a cow has 5 legs (which can completely feed 2.5 people) and a horse only has one leg (which can feed just 1 person completely).
Make Iolo carry all the meat, preferably in a special bag.
Yes I eat cows, I am not proud
Find Shamino and Sentri and make them join.
Now go to Minoc and ignore the Murders bit as much as possible.
In Minoc, find Elynor, the regional leader of the Communist Party.
Take the box and put it on the floor at her feet.
There might be some money in it so open the box and find out.
Give the scroll inside to Iolo, and put the scroll from Christopher's
chest  inside the box instead to confuse Elynor.
Now find a seal and some wax to try re-sealing the box. Oh heck, it won't!
Talk to Elynor and give her the box.
Tell her that you opened it.
She says that Batlin will be very, very angry when she tells him of
We can't allow that, so kill her.
Pop into the Britannian Mining Corporation headquarters and steal the
Sweeties in the chest.
Put them into Iolo's box.
Go back to Britain and see Batlin.
Tell him you didn't take the Package.
Then tell him that you did.
Unfortunately the Guardian has told him that you opened it (and Elynor too).
He'll send you on the quest to Destard.
Do the Destard bit and kill a bunch of headlesses.
Take their gold, and head back to Batlin, via the bank (to cash in the nuggets), and officially join the Communist Party.
Now go to Cove and pick up Jaana, who for some reason is wandering around Cove late at night with a dagger in one hand and a live goshawk, in a bag, in the other.
Take the hawk out of the bag and wield the bird yourself.
I'm not wandering around chelmsford late at night with a live goshawk up my breeches!
Suspect to <deleted> I'd be..
Talk to the bard and get her to sing that awful song about the lonely girl.
Find the lonely girl, give her a sweetie and talk to her.
Tell her about Julius and say you're going to find out what happened to him.
She will now kiss you.
Say 'bye' and run as fast as your little legs can carry you.
Protect my virtues, Lord!
Go to Vesper, where Lord British has promised you the use of his ship, the 'Jolly Roger'.
Board the ship and set sail for Buccaneer's den, the Isle of Plenty.
Go to the House of Games and using the techniques outlined elsewhere on this site, try to make 3600 gold coins.
Here we go again..
3600gp should be enough to afford most of the spells without damaging the
game too badly, although we will need to come back several times.
Sail back to Britain and talk to Nystul.
Buy his entire back-catalogue of spells.
Buy some reagents if possible, until you are skint.
Go back to the Den and make another 3600.
Sail back to Britain.
Go to the weaponsmith and smash the glass countertops using the hawk.
Take the two-handed sword and some platemail.
Get some miscellaneous weapons for the rest of the party and RUN.
Now go to Yew and find Nicodemus.
Talk to Nicodemus and buy his entire back-catalogue as well.
Find the Bee-Cave and go inside.
Drop everyone's bags on the floor, and give them the bare-minimum they need, armour and a weapon.
This is necessary because otherwise they tend to drop things, losing
irretrievably vital quest objects (to say nothing of the money!).
Put the goshawk in the Avatar's crate (on the floor) and arm the
Avatar with the two-handed sword.
Put the spellbook inside the reagent bag, along with a single
virtue-stone and make the Avatar carry the bag.
Cast MARK inside the Bee-Cave and assign it to the Virtue Stone.
Now go kick some Bee ass!
Keep hammering away the the Bees until you die. Forget about your followers, and try to ignore them as much as possible.
The triumphant return of Obedemath the Bee-Slayer
When you die, go back to the Bee-Cave with the recall spell.
Kill as many Bees as you can, and keep going until you reach level 8 (this may take many hours, you need about 6144 exp points).
When you find you can cast only about 9 more Recall spells, find some
money (go to the Den if necessary) and buy plenty of Mandrake Root,
Black Pearl and Blood Moss. Get them from Cove if possible since
Rudyom is much cheaper than Nystul. Then return to the fray.
Phew! You are now a level 8 Avatar, and some of your followers may incidentally be level 4 or 5 by now.
It is likely that your entire party is deceased.
If this is the case, go back to the Bee-Cave and annoy a Bee. Allow the Bee to kill you.
Keep doing this until most of your party is alive again, and get them to carry the dead ones back to Lord British for his while-u-wait resurrection service.
When everyone is alive again, gather your belongings up and go back to Britain.
Go to the Den again and get more money.
Head to Cove and buy Rudyom's back-catalogue.
Take the wand and head for Serpent's Hold.
Find the trainer and use all your many training points to make everyone as strong as possible.
Save 7 points on the Avatar for magic.
Now, sail to the Meditation Retreat of the Communist Party.
Find the Qube and make all your party members wait outside.
Step towards the Qube slowly, and keep a close eye on your health.
When you are two large steps away from the hole, cast Restoration.
Lurch towards the Qube (longest mouse-pointer).
You'll get reamed and the Avatar will fall into a coma.
When he wakes up, cast Restoration again and walk through.
Do the puzzle and take the Prism.
Sail to Buc's den and go to the Church.
Talk to the regional leader of the Communist Party. Nice..
Cast Telekinesis on the lever in the back of the Church and make your way south through the back-passages to Hook's home.
Find the Golden Key and then find the back way into the Baths.
Go into the Baths. Find someone of your own gender, and introduce yourself to them as the Avatar.
Leave the Baths via the Church and go back to the Games.
Get yourself another 3.6 grand and then sail back to Britain.
Head to Despise and find the Sphere.
Go up to the moongate, and save. Press yourself against it (reload if you go through) and move to the right edge.
Now move hard NORTHEAST. You should have squeezed past the moongate!
I advise you to save once inside the sphere just in case you slip up, as I did.
Enter the Sphere and get the Prism.
What? You didn't manage to get the Prism? Never mind. We'll soon fix that..
Go back to Trinsic and find the ruins of the smithy.
Find all the crates in the locality and bring them to the smithy.
Stack the crates up into the 'Stairway To Heaven' so that you can get onto the roof.
I'm buying a stairway to heaven
Jump down the chimney. Enter the door, and open the invisible chest on the
Take the Tetrahedron and the Sphere too, if you need it.
Now go through the teleporter. Don't touch anything else or I shall be very angry.
Go directly to the circle of teleporters and find the one with the Hand on it. Use it...
Back in reality once more, head into Britain and find Iolo's bows. Wait outside.
You're the Prince of Darkness so we need that perfect entrance.
Use the goshawk to smash down the door (but how?!?) and walk
Purchase 504 bolts and lay them on the shop floor in 5 piles of 100.
Throw away the remaining 4.
(For the mathematically impaired: Buy 20, Buy 20, Buy 2)
Cast Enchant on each pile of bolts and give them to your 5 followers.
Now purchase four triple-crossbows from the bemused shop steward.
Using the goshawk, smash open the countertop and steal the fifth triple-crossbow.
Cast Help but don't forget to pick up the hawk or it will fly away.
Now, distribute the triple-crossbows among your 5 followers.
This is is an appallingly dangerous move because they can't shoot for
little green apples.
But the Communists are quite capable of turning the entire party into chutney, so we have to run the risk that your 7 marksmen may accidentally slay each other or, far more likely, the Avatar.
Go to Yew and get yourself trained in Magic using your remaining points.
Now sail to the Isle of the Avatar.
Go up to the point where the Guardian starts laughing uncontrollably and Mark it with the RED stone.
Distribute Iolo's sweeties all round to get everyone psyched up for the shit that's about to happen.
Enter the Caverns.
When you see a foe, enter Combat mode and your psychotic fiends will pincushion anything that moves before you can say 'Uh!'.
Go to the room where there are three pulleys and three levers.
From left-to-right set them RIGHT, DOWN, LEFT.
Pincushion anyone who attacks you, and get the key from the body in the far left cell.
Cast red-recall to get out.
You should now come to the metal maze.
Use Telekinesis to open the doors and flick the switch in the middle.
Go to the two doors with the 'Beware of the Dragon' plate and enter.
Enter combat and the dragon will not trouble you again.
Go around the lake to the metal double-doors.
Skirt around the teleporter and you come to a vast church where there is a bunch of posessed people babbling away.
Cast Mass-Death to massacre the congregation, and sit on the pews until you've regained your magic points.
I need a break after all this killing
Take the pretty bauble on the altar.
Go through the metal door to the wooden inner door, and break it down using the goshawk.
(If you've ever wondered why goshawks look like they're in a state of perpetual astonishment, this could be the reason)
Find the secret passage and go through. Take great care!
You must crawl around the edge of the room, otherwise the Liche will come, and we don't want to think about that.
Look for a secret passage in the left-hand wall and follow it to the room with two teleporters. Only one will work. Use it.
Sit on the Throne of Change. It must be you, not Shamino or anyone else.
Head south, and look for a secret passage. Find the dead dude and steal his blue key and then sit on the Throne again.
Find the secret passage to the north and kill the skeletons if any appear.
Unlock the first door and save. Go through carefully, for a Liche will appear when you do.
As soon as it appears, enter combat mode, and watch as it gets dessicated.
If the Liche manages to cast Death Bolt or Invisibility before it dies, the chances are the battle has gone catastrophically wrong and you are now dead. If this is the case, reload and try again.
Go through the door, and sit on the Throne of Tesla.
Now go back to the other throne and sit on it again.
Save and head North. Bring on the Liche!
Granny's home-made Liche pie
Hopefully the Liche is dead. Cast mark Red again, and then cast Help.
It's time for some fun.
Sleep until around 8pm in the evening, and then go to Batlin's Church.
Wait for Batlin to do Mass, and then cast Death-Bolt in front of the Congregation, who won't bat an eyelid.
Get someone to pick up the body, and then cast Red Recall.
Go through the teleporter where the Liche was.
Clone_Batlin2 will say his piece and then everyone will start Killing.
Choose one of the following:
Resurrect The Batlin so there are two.
Cast Mass-Death as soon as possible, simplifying the completion of the game.
The Avatar is hit by an arrow in mid-incantation and loses consciousness
leaving him stuck in this poise like a popsicle.
Cast Armageddon as soon as possible. This will cause everyone onscreen to freeze in the position they were at when they were deactivated. See episode 4 of Dr.Who and the Android Invasion.
The Clone_Batlin2 will NOT do the 'Cube' or 'Armageddon' sequences if you try to talk to it, because it is not The Batlin (the one going cold in your backpack), nor is it Lord British or the Avatar. Therefore it must be someone else and so it gets squashed.
The Avatar switches off the population of Britannia
Give everyone some sweeties (including Batlin and his posse).
Kill Abraham and Elizabeth, but NOT Hook.
Break off combat and allow Batlin to kill you.
Wonder how the late Liz and Abe (whose bodies are still at the Gate) managed to resurrect you.
Recall back to the Gate and finish everyone off.
Finish the game. You've won!