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Lessons From Hollywood

  1. IT does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one.
  2. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
  3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit of a woman, but only the waist of the man lying beside her.
  4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
  5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to over-ride the communications system of any invading alien society.
  6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
  7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least half an hour to escape.
  8. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
  11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
  12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
  13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the
    right wire.
  14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

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