Tech Support Humor - My Computer's Slow!
Let's play with the MUTE button a bit. For those that don't know - we have a mute button that allows us to hear you, but you cannot hear us - We use it to say the things that would get us fired without you hearing us - we do this a lot, as this call will demonstrate. Muted words are in italics
Caller: "My computer is slow"
Me: When did this start?
Caller: Right after I installed Microsoft Office
Me: How much Ram do you have??
Me: Of course not, why would you know a silly thing like that?? Let's check (only 8mb). You'll need more ram
Caller: I need more ram???
Me: Did I stutter?? Yes - you need to upgrade
Caller: But the clerk said this computer would work.
Me: Three years ago, maybe Yes, but that program is using to much of your memory - you'll need more. Please don't try to do this yourself
Caller: I can do this myself, right??
Me: Heh heh - Grog smart - Grog open computer If you wish - are you sure you know how?
Caller: Well - it's easy, right - what do I need??
Me: Grog confused - Grog use hammer Just the chips and a screwdriver.
Caller: Chips??? I have to buy them???
Me: Yes Gro..I mean Ebeneezer - break that wallet open Ummm - yes - you really should take this to a professional.
Caller: No - I'll go get me some "chips" now - I can do this.
Me: Talk to you in an hour Ok sir - goodbye.