Laughter HELL!
Home > Laughter HELL! > Computer > Computers in Movies

Computers in Movies

Did you ever notice that certain things only happen in the movies, but never happen in real life? For example:

  1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
  2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.
  4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
  5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.
  6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
  8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
  9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
  10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
  11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
  12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
  13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
  14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…
  15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
  16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).
  17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
  18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
  19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
  20. All single women have a cat.
  21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
  22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
  23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.
  24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
  25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.
  27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
  28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.
  29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).
  30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
  31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
  32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
  33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
  34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
  36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
  38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
  39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties).
  40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

Courtesy of Digg Community

  1. Computers never have mice. Also, you can type into a computer without any sort of visual feedback - like the characters you typed showed up.
  2. Videoconferencing will always look crystal clear, as if a direct video camera feed was showing on the screen. No latency, artifacts, or anything.
  3. Text will scroll at 110 baud, even if it is a computer from the future with voice recognition.
  4. Surveillance camera clips will have great editing and multiple camera angles, as if they were just playing back earlier parts of the movie in monochrome.
  5. Keys are not necessary to start a car
  6. Wheels will screech on any type of terrain
  7. Any computer account can readily be hacked without knowing either the username or password
  8. Encrypted data can be unencrypted on a standard PC in a time period ranging from 1 minute to a maximum of 1 hour
  9. All top secret applications have TOP SECRET splash screens with the name of the top secret organization prominently displayed such as not to attract attention
  10. Satellite uplinks are perfectly capable of working indoors, even on the ground floor of an office building
  11. All code is write once run anywhere, even on data system from outside the solar system
  12. Any image, digital or otherwise, may be electronically enlarged with infinite precision by some geek sitting at a computer, reagrdless of the picture's original resolution.
  13. Any computer operation that is performed is accompanied by unnecessary beeps, blips, and other nonsensical sounds.
  14. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).
  15. People can take days, or weeks, off from work with no fear of losing their job or paying their bills.
  16. Recalled dream or memory footage will always show in 3rd person mode instead of the usual 1st person.
  17. Any computer system can be hacked into, and all computer systems use tons of scrolling text, or large, complicated diagrams of the building that are on the server for no fathomable reason.
  18. Phones will have excellent quality, except when the killer is near or some event is going to happen to the user, (i.e. getting hit by a bus.)
  19. If the protagonist doesn't get his/her way, they will in the sequel.
  20. Space ship launches usually last less than 5 minutes, and someone will crack a joke during liftoff.
  21. Houses in horror movies are always run down, dirty, and at least 150 years old.
  22. There is no possible way not to make a sound when a killer is within 20 feet.
  23. Creating custom armor or weapons requires only an anvil and a piece of hot metal, and a hammer. No measurements required.
  24. After you kill a mass murderer or other antagonist, the police, if they even show up, will know who you are and what you did, and not arrest you.
  25. Children's drawings are always clear enough to be understood.
  26. If you're successful, you're not going to be for very long. In fact, within the first half hour you'll probably lose everything.
  27. Libraries always have the book you need, and the librarian will know where exactly the book is.
  28. If you are sleeping in a storm, the thunder/lightning will not wake you up, but someone walking downstairs will.
  29. Every videogame requires serious button mashing and tons of over-acting when you are playing it.
  30. Any computer genius can crack the security to multi-million dollar computer systems simply by pressing a lot of keys while saying "Hold on I almost got it" (also when time is almost up they finally crack it)

0 comments RSS of last 10 posts

new post

Privacy Policy - Terms of Use - Contact Us - Site Map - Advertise
All original content (©) Copyright 1997-2021 Bootstrike.Com (ACRA Reg. No 53084890B).