My AOL Diary
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard
it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free
disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther
one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs
a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb
does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes.
It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year
old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But
he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so
smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter
than the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about
communications software. Bet they didn't know.
And why do they put
two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need
one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not suppose
to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone
sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it
out by the sound.
July 26 - What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online.
Not this internet thing. I'm confused.
July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this
America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that
he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer
but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because
I'm connected to America Online not usenet.
July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters.
How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters.
Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID
IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD
HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY
SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD.
I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND.
I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL
THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.
AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS
THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS
JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER
SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE
AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DIDN'T KNOW
SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.
AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS
RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO
REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT
22 MORE TIMES.
AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE
TO USE PROFANITY.
AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES.
WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING!
HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use
it? It is probably an extra feature that costs more money.
August 8 - I just read this post called "Make Money Fast". I'm so
excited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions
and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.
August 9 - I just made my signature file. It is only 6 pages long.
I will have to work on it some more.
August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read
a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the
face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.
August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something.
Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked
but I can't find that group.
August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help.
I cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes
back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or
do his homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have
a great sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't
like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people
sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.
August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include
my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone
will want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going
to add that short story I like.
August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was
doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.