Man : Where are you from?
Woman : U.S.A
Man : Are you here on vacation?
Woman : No lah! I'm here for lunch.
Man : What!!! All the way from United States of America!!!
Woman : No lah! Upper Serangoon Avenue.
Man : !!@#$%
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "
Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermos flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command
after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me ah?!"
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah"
"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "Could you tell me the time difference between Taipei and Las Vegas?"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Ah Beng : "Thank you lah" and puts down the phone.
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me only 5 months to do it", Ah Beng brags.
"Five months? That's too long", the friend exclaims.
"You are a fool" Ah Beng replies, "See this on the box, it is written "For 4-7 Years".
One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path.
"Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"
"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.
"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.
"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.
"Hmmm..... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.
Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said,"Tastes like shit!"
Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said,
"Confirm is shit!"
Then they smiled at each other,
"WAH! Lucky we didn't step on it."
Three boys are in the school's yard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can shoot an arrow and starts to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
The second boy says, "Ha! You think that's fast. My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and gets there before the bullet."
The third one listens to the first two and shakes his head. He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops work at 5pm and he is home by 4:15pm."