Ah Beng's FutureCard
The multi-purpose FutureCard will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library...what ever you do with the card...you will be tracked!
As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Geylang. May I have your..."
Customer: "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."
Operator : "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's arh..., hold on prease, arh..... S6102-0499-54610FC"
Operator : "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're calling from 17-D Lorong 14, Geylang. Your home number is 6782 8828, your office 6782 8838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling from now Sir?
Customer: "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"
Operator : "We are connected to the 'FutureCard' system Sir"
Customer: "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "Why....Cannot arh?"
Operator : "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend lah?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han liow... I give up... Gif me three family sized ones then, how much arh?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $45..."
Customer: "I pay by FutureCard...Can or Not ?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $6720.55- since October last year"
Customer: "Karn Nee Neh!... Everything also know...chiat lat!"
Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.
Customer: "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my house lor"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for 4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my Ah Mah. How long arh?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are only 5 mins away"
Customer: "Where got transport?"
Operator : "According to the details in your FutureCard", you own a Honda Scooter, ...registration number FE 3288..."
Customer: "Karn Nee Neh!"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
Customer: [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brush with the law]
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised or not?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer : [ Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow' ]